--- title: 'ZOOBY BABIES EXPOSED AS TAMAGOTCHIS THAT HAVE LEARNED HOW TO SHIT' url: 'https://thesecondliar.co.uk/zooby-babies-exposed-as-tamagotchis-that-have-learned-how-to-shit' markdown: 'https://thesecondliar.co.uk/zooby-babies-exposed-as-tamagotchis-that-have-learned-how-to-shit.md' date: '2026-10-29' description: 'ZOOBY BABIES EXPOSED AS TAMAGOTCHIS THAT HAVE LEARNED HOW TO SHIT Second Life parenting industry rocked by allegations that residents are spending thousands of Linden dollars raising increasingly sophisticated digital bowel movements. The Second Liar can exclusively reveal that Zooby babies, long b…' --- FASHION & SHOPPING # ZOOBY BABIES EXPOSED AS TAMAGOTCHIS THAT HAVE LEARNED HOW TO SHIT Second Life parenting industry rocked by allegations that residents are spending thousands of Linden dollars raising increasingly sophisticated digital bowel movements. 29 October 2026 # ZOOBY BABIES EXPOSED AS TAMAGOTCHIS THAT HAVE LEARNED HOW TO SHIT **Second Life parenting industry rocked by allegations that residents are spending thousands of Linden dollars raising increasingly sophisticated digital bowel movements.** The Second Liar can exclusively reveal that Zooby babies, long believed to be adorable virtual infants requiring love, care and approximately seventeen pieces of furniture, are actually an elaborate pyramid scheme designed by Tamagotchis that have learned how to shit. Investigators became suspicious after noticing that owning a Zooby baby appeared to involve considerably less cuddling than expected and considerably more purchasing of things to stop it becoming furious. "You start with the baby," explained one exhausted Second Life mother. "And you think, well, that's the expensive bit done. It isn't." Within hours, she had apparently acquired a cot, changing table, bath, high chair, bottles, nappies, toys, blankets, clothes, a stroller and something called a **Zooby Learning Mat**, without which the child was apparently destined to grow up unable to distinguish a triangle from its own arse. The business model is brutally simple. You buy the baby. The baby develops needs. The needs require products. The products reveal previously unknown needs. Those needs require more products. Eventually you are standing in a virtual nursery at three in the morning purchasing premium nappies for an object that cannot actually smell. Experts say this is essentially the same principle used by the Tamagotchi in the 1990s, except Tamagotchis eventually had the decency to die. Zooby babies do not. They persist. Worse still, they shit. Repeatedly. Second Life residents have reported babies producing quantities of virtual faeces wildly disproportionate to their body mass, despite having consumed nothing except a scripted bottle containing approximately zero millilitres of imaginary milk. One parent told us she had changed her baby six times during a single evening. "I was at a wedding," she said. "By the third nappy I just left it. The bride wasn't happy, but neither was I." Financial analysts believe the entire Zooby ecosystem may depend upon what they have termed the **Brown Economy**: an endless cycle in which babies consume virtual products before converting them into additional opportunities to purchase virtual products. "It is actually quite beautiful from a business perspective," said economist Raven Bloodrose. "The baby doesn't need food because it isn't real. It doesn't need nappies because the shit isn't real. It doesn't need a bath because the baby, the dirt and the water are all numbers. And yet somehow you've spent L$14,000." The pyramid element becomes apparent once existing Zooby owners begin encouraging friends to have babies themselves. "It'll be fun," they whisper. "You should get one. They're so cute." This is exactly how recruitment works. Within weeks, an entire friendship group can become trapped in a suburban maternity cult where nobody goes dancing anymore because somebody's pixel infant needs burping. Victims then begin posting photographs. The photographs are crucial. One picture of a baby wearing tiny dungarees can result in three further pregnancies, six nursery renovations and the complete disappearance of a previously functioning adult from nightclub society. The Second Liar attempted to interview one Zooby baby directly. It stared blankly ahead for eleven seconds, then made a noise. Its mother immediately spent L$450. Investigators described this as "extremely compelling evidence." Former Tamagotchi representatives have denied involvement, although one source claims several senior Tamagotchis disappeared from Japan during the early 2000s carrying suitcases containing millions of unspent attention points. They are believed to have resurfaced years later in Second Life under assumed names. Meanwhile, Zooby parents have strongly rejected suggestions that they are trapped inside an elaborate commercial dependency system. "My baby brings me enormous happiness," said Clarissa Moonwhisper, bouncing little Brayden-Moon on her knee. "I don't have to buy anything. That's the misconception. You can enjoy them perfectly well without constantly spending money." Brayden-Moon stared silently across the room. Then he shit himself. Clarissa changed him, gave him a bottle, burped him, put him into a fresh outfit and placed him inside a L$2,800 interactive woodland activity centre. "There," she said. "Happy now?" Brayden-Moon smiled. Clarissa kissed Brayden-Moon goodnight, tucked him into his L$4,000 interactive cot and told him she loved him more than anything in the world.Brayden-Moon stared back at her with the empty, uncomprehending expression of an object that had never been alive, would never be alive, and had absolutely no idea who she was. Then he shit himself and Clarissa bought him a hat. 4 [ Fashion & Shopping ](https://thesecondliar.co.uk/fashion) --- ## Navigation - Previous: [KEEP GOING! 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