Experts have traced the smell to approximately 38 million decorative pumpkins that residents cut open in September and then apparently forgot about.
SECOND LIFE residents have been advised to keep their windows closed after virtually the entire grid began smelling overwhelmingly of rotting pumpkin. The problem is believed to have started in early September when residents began placing pumpkins outside absolutely fucking everything. Houses got pumpkins. Shops got pumpkins. Clubs got pumpkins. Beaches somehow got pumpkins.
Within days, every available doorstep had been covered with pumpkins, hay bales, dead leaves, wooden crates, lanterns and little signs saying HELLO AUTUMN. Unfortunately, several million residents then carved enormous holes in the pumpkins and left them sitting there.
"It's fucking rancid," said Kitten Bloodrose, holding the sleeve of her oversized hoodie over her nose as she attempted to visit a weekend sale. "You teleport in and it just hits you. I went to buy some boots yesterday and there were about forty of the bastards outside the shop. One of them had collapsed in on itself and there was this brown liquid underneath it. I know it's Second Life and technically none of this exists, but I nearly threw up in real life."
Environmental experts initially struggled to identify the source of the smell because there were simply too many possible causes. Investigators examined several breedable farms, the men's toilets at a popular nightclub and a furry convention before eventually noticing that practically every parcel on the grid contained at least nine opened vegetables slowly decomposing beside a bale of hay.
Professor Raven Moonbeam of the Second Life Environmental Agency said: "People seem genuinely surprised by this. But if you cut the top off a pumpkin, scoop its insides out, carve a picture of a witch into the side and then leave it on a wooden pallet for six weeks, there is going to come a point where it stops being a pumpkin. We are now well beyond that point. Some of these are essentially soup."
The situation is particularly serious at autumn shopping events, where hundreds of pumpkins have been arranged around fountains, signs, benches, lamp posts and inexplicably inside old wheelbarrows. One market owner denied there was a problem. "They're not rotting," she said. "That's the ambience." She then attempted to reposition a large pumpkin beside a sign reading PUMPKIN SPICE & EVERYTHING NICE, causing her hand to pass straight through it. The pumpkin subsequently made a quiet sighing noise and collapsed.
Residents have been warned not to attempt to clean up the affected areas themselves after several avatars reported slipping in what authorities are officially describing as seasonal fluid. One woman remains missing after attempting to move a particularly large pumpkin from outside her cottage. Neighbours said they heard her say, "Oh for fuck's sake, it's gone soft," shortly before losing contact. Her shoes were later discovered beside a hay bale.
Authorities say the smell is now spreading into areas which have already changed over to winter decorations. Residents visiting several snow-covered regions this week reported enjoying picturesque frozen lakes, Christmas trees and gently falling snow while simultaneously experiencing the unmistakable aroma of something that has been dead behind a radiator since August.
Linden Lab has reportedly considered a grid-wide pumpkin return, although engineers abandoned the idea after discovering that deleting them would leave Second Life with approximately seventeen objects. Residents are therefore being asked to remove their own pumpkins responsibly. However, experts admit this is unlikely to happen.
Professor Moonbeam added: "We're approaching Halloween now, which means people are actually putting more pumpkins out. By November they'll start rezzing Christmas trees around them. Then they'll cover the whole lot in snow. And everyone will just pretend the smell has gone."
At the time of publication, somebody had placed another pumpkin outside The Second Liar offices. We kicked it under a passing van.