MAN AIMING FOR LOVESEXY-ERA PRINCE ACHIEVES SUBSTITUTE GEOGRAPHY TEACHER AT A HEN NIGHT

A Second Life resident who spent three weeks designing an avatar intended to radiate the sexual power of Lovesexy-era Prince has debuted it to a room full of women asking whether he was doing a sponsored dare.

Sebastian Vex entered the club shortly after nine wearing an open ruffled shirt, high-waisted trousers and an expression he had purchased specifically because the vendor described it as “dangerously sensual”. Within eleven seconds, someone had asked if he was all right.

“I was going for that combination of masculine confidence and feminine beauty,” Sebastian explained. “Someone who transcends conventional sexuality. Someone you look at and immediately understand could change your life.”

“He looked like he’d come to read the gas meter in his mum’s blouse,” said fellow resident Melissa Hartwell.

Witnesses described a man whose individual components were recognisably inspired by Prince but appeared to have been assembled without anyone checking the overall result. His cheekbones suggested aristocratic decadence. His mouth suggested he was struggling to remove a hair from his tongue. His eyes had been adjusted into a smouldering gaze which, under the club’s lighting, gave the impression of a man trying to remember whether he had left the immersion heater on.

Sebastian had reportedly spent more than L$18,000 achieving the look, including a custom mesh head, several expensive skins, a selection of flamboyant clothing and a pair of heeled boots which made him walk as though he had recently undergone a minor operation. He had also purchased a collection of sensual animations intended to convey effortless sexual confidence, although witnesses said the combined effect was of a man attempting to seduce a photocopier.

“I wanted to challenge conventional ideas of masculinity,” Sebastian continued. “Prince understood that true sex appeal exists beyond gender. It's about mystery, elegance, danger and the confidence to be completely yourself.”

Unfortunately, Sebastian's interpretation of this philosophy involved standing beside the dance floor with one hand on his hip, repeatedly tilting his head and waiting for women to approach him. When nobody did, he activated an animation called Irresistible Male Presence, which caused him to slowly run his fingers down his own chest while staring at a woman who was trying to adjust her graphics settings.

“He kept looking at me as though we were sharing some incredibly powerful sexual moment,” said resident Claire Whitmore. “I was trying to derender a plant.”

The situation deteriorated further when Sebastian attempted to recreate Prince's famously androgynous appeal by removing his shirt entirely, revealing a heavily modified torso with unusually narrow shoulders, an elaborate chest tattoo and nipples which appeared to have been positioned by somebody working from a written description.

Several women initially assumed he was performing a comedy routine, while one offered him the name of a reputable skin designer. Another asked whether he was supposed to be a young Mick Hucknall attending a Renaissance fair.

Sebastian remains convinced that his appearance represents an exciting new direction in male avatar design and has announced plans to develop the concept further with additional jewellery, more dramatic eye makeup and a bespoke walking animation.

“I think some people simply aren't ready for a man who refuses to be constrained by traditional expectations of masculine beauty,” he said.

At the time of publication, Sebastian was standing alone beneath a disco ball, looking like a divorced supply teacher who had been persuaded to dress as Prince for Children in Need.