An extensive study has found that most Second Life clubbers would rather listen to Spotify, a washing machine or deteriorating conditions off the coast of Iceland than the DJ they are publicly congratulating.
Researchers reached the figure after spending six weeks in EDM clubs asking residents what they could currently hear.
Of those surveyed, 8% were listening to the stream, 31% had Spotify on, 19% were watching television, and one man had spent the entire event listening to a YouTube tutorial about bleeding a radiator.
The remainder were divided between podcasts, household appliances, other DJs and the shipping forecast. Despite this, 94% had typed “TUUUUUNE” at least once.
Regular clubber Maren Voss admitted she had been listening to Fleetwood Mac throughout a two-hour industrial techno set, during which she described the DJ as “absolutely smashing it”.
“I do support live music,” she explained. “I just prefer to choose which live music I’m supporting.” Maren said she kept local chat open so she could respond appropriately when other people appeared excited. “If three people put flames, I put flames. If the host says we’re going harder, I say ‘YESSSS’, then turn up ‘Little Lies’.”
Another resident, Torin Vale, had been listening to Radio 4’s shipping forecast while his avatar performed an energetic dance involving repeated pelvic thrusts. “There was a low moving slowly east,” he said. “I wanted to know how that developed.”
Torin described the forecast as “a really strong set”, praising the smooth transition from Dogger into Fisher and the presenter’s willingness to let the material speak for itself.
“No airhorns. No one shouting ‘let’s fucking go’. Just an honest assessment of visibility.” He became briefly animated during a warning of severe gale nine, prompting the host to thank him for bringing such good energy.
The study found that praise bore almost no relationship to anything happening on the stream. One DJ received seventeen compliments during a four-minute disconnection, including “flawless mixing” and “you always know exactly what we need”.
Club host Perrin Fox disputed the findings. “You can tell people are listening by the way they dance.”
Researchers pointed out that the same residents had continued dancing through a server restart, a fire alarm and forty minutes in which the DJ had accidentally broadcast the sound from his webcam microphone.
“That was quite a minimal set,” Perrin said.
Among the more unusual alternatives were an audiobook about the dissolution of the monasteries, a neighbour drilling through a party wall, and a dishwasher entering what one resident described as “the proper heavy bit”.
One woman was listening to a different DJ at a different club. “I prefer this club’s people,” she explained. “but I prefer that club’s music. This way I get both, and neither DJ needs to experience personal growth.”
The report also identified a small group listening to nothing whatsoever.
“I’ve had sound disabled since 2022,” said resident Esme Quill, who attends five sets a week and runs a group called Music Is My Life. “It started because someone had a gesture that screamed. Then I realised how peaceful everything was.”
Asked whether DJs found the results demoralising, researchers confirmed that most had responded professionally, acknowledging that virtual clubs also served an important social purpose.
One, however, demanded the names of everyone involved and posted a 900-word statement about respect. By the end of the evening, the study’s central finding had been challenged by the DJ himself, who insisted the true figure must be higher.Researchers agreed to check.
It fell to 7% after he admitted he was watching the football.