Second Life men have condemned another rise in footwear insurance costs, insisting they should not be penalised simply because their shoes have three floors and defensive capabilities.
MEN across Second Life are facing record insurance premiums after underwriters reported another year of claims involving enormous black shoes covered in spikes, chains and what appear to be structural supports. The footwear, traditionally worn with trousers that finish nowhere near it, has become increasingly expensive to insure as manufacturers continue adding things to the outside.
“We’re no longer dealing with a shoe in any recognisable sense,” said insurance assessor Martin Bell, “One gentleman submitted a claim for a damaged buckle. We sent somebody round and discovered it was holding up a mezzanine.”
The latest increase has angered owners, many of whom insist they have years of experience standing completely still in them outside shops. “It’s fucking discrimination,” said ƊΛƦƘ ƜӨԼƑ, whose current pair feature nine-inch soles, forty-six metal spikes and a chain connecting parts of the shoe that were already connected. “I’ve never had an accident, a woman caught her cardigan on me at an event, but that was her fault. She could see I was wide.”
His insurer disputed this account, noting that the woman remained attached for three regions and eventually had to abandon the cardigan.
Premiums have risen sharply following several high-profile incidents, including a man reversing into a sofa and a nightclub evacuation caused by someone crossing his legs. In another case, an avatar’s left shoe became embedded in his right shoe during a dance animation, leaving him rotating slowly beside the tip jar until the venue restarted. “The recovery costs alone were substantial,” Bell explained.“We couldn’t get the normal truck close enough.”
Insurers have now introduced mandatory declarations covering sole height, spike length and whether either shoe contains a smaller, purely decorative shoe. Owners must also state whether the footwear has been modified since purchase. “That’s where a lot of people come unstuck,” said Bell, “They tell us it’s factory standard. Then we inspect it and somebody’s added another buckle, you can’t just keep adding buckles and expect your policy to remain valid.”
Fashion retailers have defended the designs, arguing that men want versatile footwear suitable for clubs, shopping and laying siege to a modest medieval town.
One creator described his latest release as “an understated everyday boot”. It has a ladder up the side. “It’s about silhouette,” he explained “you want something that draws the eye down.” Experts confirmed that the eye was drawn down, where it remained for some time trying to establish what the fuck it was looking at.
Meanwhile, residents wearing ordinary trainers have questioned why they should subsidise the cost of incidents involving shoes with their own collision radius.
“I just want to walk into a club,” said Bella Knightreign. “I shouldn’t have to wait for a man’s footwear to finish entering.”
A spokesperson for ShoeSure Insurance has advised owners to reduce their premiums by removing unnecessary spikes, parking securely and agreeing not to attempt the Cha Cha Slide in enclosed spaces.
The advice has been poorly received. “If I take the spikes off, they’ll look ridiculous,” said one man standing on two black conservatories. ƊΛƦƘ ƜӨԼƑ has since confirmed that he intends to challenge his renewal quote after discovering his insurer had valued the shoes at just L$400. “They cost me L$2,800,” he said. “And that doesn’t include everything I’ve spent on them.
ShoeSure have offered to write them off. "He can keep the laces, but anything still living underneath will need to be rehoused."