A Second Life resident who has spent the last six months using his employer’s Microsoft Copilot account to generate romantic and sexually suggestive emotes has admitted that his love life is deteriorating, although considerably less quickly than his prospects of continued employment.
Sebastian Darkmoor, 52, an assistant procurement manager from Pickering, began using the company’s AI assistant after discovering that it could produce several paragraphs of intimate roleplay without requiring him to possess any personality, imagination or firsthand experience of intimacy whatsoever. “I was struggling to find the right words,” explained Sebastian, whose previous attempts at seduction had consisted largely of typing "smiles warmly", moving his avatar slightly closer to a woman and then sitting motionless for forty minutes hoping something sexual might happen. “I tried writing my own emotes once, but I couldn't think of anything beyond touching her arm. And I'd already touched it twice.”
Sebastian, whose avatar is a muscular, heavily tattooed six-foot-four nightclub regular with the emotional sophistication of a damp sock, now relies entirely on Copilot to maintain the illusion that he is a confident, sexually experienced man rather than somebody who has to ask a computer what to do after a woman smiles at him. Unfortunately, his reliance on corporate artificial intelligence has produced mixed results. His romantic encounters now routinely feature phrases such as “leveraging our shared emotional synergies”, “establishing a mutually beneficial intimacy framework” and “I hope this passionate embrace finds you well”.
One woman abandoned an encounter after Sebastian attempted to kiss her neck and Copilot suggested arranging a brief introductory meeting to establish whether a kiss would align with her current priorities. Another became suspicious when he described removing her blouse as “an exciting opportunity to streamline existing clothing arrangements”, before asking whether she would like the remaining garments summarised in a table. Sebastian has also developed the unfortunate habit of leaving women waiting while he copies their responses into Copilot and asks what a sexually confident man would say next. On one occasion, a woman spent eleven minutes waiting for him to respond to runs her fingers through his hair, only to receive a 600-word description of his breathing, followed by an apology for the delay and an assurance that her patience was appreciated.
“He spent twenty minutes describing the way his fingers moved across my skin,” said resident Elodie Wintermere. “Then he asked if I wanted him to convert the experience into a PowerPoint presentation. I said no, and he thanked me for my valuable feedback. I don't think he understands what any of this is supposed to be for.” Sebastian insists that the technology has transformed his ability to communicate, although several women have complained that his advances sound increasingly like internal correspondence from a regional building society. One described the experience as being romantically pursued by a man who appeared to have outsourced his entire personality to an office photocopier.
His dependence has now reached the point where he uses Copilot to generate even the most elementary social interactions, including greetings, compliments and instructions for standing near somebody without appearing desperate. He recently asked it to produce a casual, spontaneous response to the word “hello”, specifying that the reply should make him appear mysterious, sexually confident and unlikely to live with his mother. The situation deteriorated further when Sebastian began copying entire conversations into Copilot to generate appropriate responses, including intimate exchanges, arguments and one particularly unfortunate incident involving a poorly configured adult furniture menu. The AI subsequently suggested that his repeated failures to establish meaningful connections might be addressed through improved stakeholder engagement, more transparent communication and a quarterly review of his personal objectives.
His employer, meanwhile, has become concerned about the increasingly unusual activity associated with his corporate account, which has recently processed more than 1,400 requests involving silk stockings, trembling thighs and the word throbbing. Investigators were particularly puzzled by a series of prompts asking the AI to describe a man removing his trousers in a way that would make the woman believe something impressive was about to happen. An internal IT review reportedly identified a document entitled Q4 SUPPLIER PERFORMANCE AND BREATHLESS SUBMISSION, alongside a spreadsheet tracking nine women’s preferences, emotional availability and whether they were likely to respond favourably to the removal of a leather waistcoat. A separate document contained 83 variations of smiles knowingly, none of which Sebastian had yet managed to deploy successfully.
Matters came to a head on Thursday when Sebastian accidentally instructed Copilot to summarise his previous evening’s activities during a departmental Teams meeting. Colleagues were subsequently presented with a detailed account of a three-hour encounter involving a woman called Mistress Velvet, two animated restraints and a furniture attachment Sebastian had apparently mistaken for a footstool. The presentation concluded with three recommended actions, an assessment of potential risks and a reminder that all participants should complete their mandatory safeguarding training.
Sebastian has since been invited to a meeting with Human Resources, where he intends to explain that the material was entirely fictional, consensual and generated outside working hours, apart from the bits that weren't. He has already asked Copilot to draft a statement expressing his sincere regret while making it absolutely clear that the muscular man in the screenshots was him. “I don't see why my private life should be anybody's business,” he said, while asking Copilot to draft a formal response to allegations of gross misconduct. “It's not as though I've done anything wrong. All I've done is use a professional business tool to help women understand how incredibly passionate I am.”
At the time of publication, Sebastian remained optimistic about his future, having received a reassuring message from Copilot stating that, while it could not guarantee the outcome of his disciplinary hearing, it would be happy to help him prepare for a constructive conversation. He has also asked it to write a particularly moving farewell emote for Mistress Velvet, who has blocked him after discovering that every tender word he had ever written to her was generated by software licensed to a North Yorkshire plumbing supplier. Unfortunately, Copilot has refused to generate the message, explaining that his organisation's administrator has restricted access to sexually explicit content.
Sebastian has since returned to writing his own emotes. His first attempt, "touches boob hopefully", resulted in three blocks and a formal complaint.